Best Man Speech

It is a great honour to be asked to be best man at a friend’s wedding but the pleasure of being chosen is often tinged with dread at the prospect of making the speech. Fear not! Even if you’ve never spoken in public before, with some careful preparation, you can deliver a speech that everyone enjoys and remembers favourably for years to come.

If you haven’t been to many weddings, here is what to expect at the reception:

After the wedding breakfast, the toastmaster will get everyone’s attention and introduce the father of the bride (or whoever is playing that role). In the absence of a toastmaster, it’s usually the best man’s job to do this. The father of the bride says a few words about his daughter and proposes a toast to the happy couple.

The bridegroom speaks next and normally concludes by proposing a toast to the bridesmaids. These days, more and more brides are choosing to speak at their weddings, so his new wife may stand up after the groom.

Then it’s your turn!

Preparing your best man speech

As with every speech, the sooner you start planning it, the better. If you go into denial and ignore the whole thing until the day before the wedding, you will almost certainly not do justice to yourself or to the occasion. Also, the sooner you plan your speech and know what you’re doing, the better you’ll feel as the big day approaches.

(If you’re reading this the day before the wedding, don’t panic! Focus and keep a clear head and you can still do well enough. But, next time you’re asked to be best man, please get yourself organised early!)

In terms of external factors, preparation involves finding out who else is going to be speaking, so you know exactly what to expect when the time comes and don’t stand up at the wrong moment. If you think there might be any overlap, it’s worthwhile discussing with the other speakers broadly what you intend to say. You want to maintain some element of surprise but it’s a great pity if more than one person tells the same story.

If you want to use any visual or audio aids, make sure they are autonomous, if you can (ie, they don’t need to be plugged in or require any input from the venue). If you need electricity, space for a screen or any other assistance, do go along and talk to people at the reception venue in advance, just to make sure you can really do what you’re planning to.

When it comes to writing your speech, I strongly recommend you compose it yourself and don’t buy a ready-made one. A wedding is a big occasion and the groom has chosen you out of all his friends and family to be his best man. I think it’s a bit disrespectful not to put some effort into writing the speech yourself.

Be yourself. The groom has chosen you for who you are, so don’t feel you’ve got to adopt a completely new persona to write and deliver the best man’s speech. Yes, you do need to be at least mildly amusing but you certainly don’t need to tell loud, bawdy jokes if that doesn’t come naturally to you.

Be generous. This speech is not about you, it’s about the groom and his bride. It’s their big day and you can either spoil it or enhance it. This is not a moment for settling scores or for shock revelations; it’s a chance for you to tell people what your friend means to you and how pleased you are that he’s found a bride to make him happy. Even if you wouldn’t normally express your emotions, you must say something heartfelt in this speech or it’ll be conspicuous by its absence.

You should aim to speak for 5-10 minutes.

Structure and content of the best man’s speech

Every wedding is different - which is why it’s important to plan and discuss speeches in advance – but, generally, the best man’s speech covers the following, though the order is fairly flexible.

• If somebody else hasn’t already done so, introduce yourself and explain how you know the bridegroom.
• Thank the previous speakers for their speeches and thank everyone for attending the wedding. You may also wish to thank the groom for asking you to be his best man.
• Traditionally, the groom thanks the bridesmaids, pages and ushers in his speech and the best man responds on their behalf, thanking the groom for his kind words (and presents if they’re given).
• Propose a toast to both sets of parents.
• Say something sincere and nice about the bride. The best man’s speech is about the groom, not the bride, but there’s no need to ignore her completely! You might also want to say something about the positive effect she has had on your friend and why you’re sure they’re well suited.
• Tell some funny stories about the groom. These should be designed to amuse everybody present, including grandparents. It’s fine - nay, expected - that you embarrass the groom a bit but don’t overdo it. Also, don’t mention his or the bride’s former partners; this is always a sensitive area and best avoided.
• Read out (some) cards from people who weren’t able to attend the wedding. Don’t let this go on too long and try to choose messages with some variety.
• Be serious and sincere for a moment and say something nice about the groom. Then something nice about him and the bride as a couple.
• Propose a toast to the happy couple.
• Explain what is going to happen next (usually the cutting of the cake).

Practising your best man speech

As with all speeches, it is absolutely essential that you practise. All the general advice on the Practising Your Speech or Presentation page applies equally to a best man speech.

Delivering your best man speech

On the day, beware of giving yourself Dutch courage. If you overdo the alcohol, you may lose your inhibitions but you risk also slurring your words, tripping over and generally letting yourself and the couple down. Instead, to calm your nerves, do some deep breathing and have a chat with someone who can be relied upon to be supportive.

Remember that everyone is here to have a good time and they are all on your side. As long as they can hear you and you’re not being offensive, it’s virtually guaranteed that your speech will go down well.

Unless you’re super-serious all the way through, the audience will laugh, though it sometimes happens that people find different things funny from what the speaker expected. If they don’t laugh where you intended them to, don’t worry. They’re probably smiling and that’s fine. When they do laugh, pause and give them a few seconds to enjoy the joke before you go on.