Public Speaking Skills > Expanding Your Comfort Zone
If you feel unsafe in the spotlight, this may simply be because you are new to public speaking and you need to learn the techniques before you can do yourself justice and feel comfortable addressing an audience. If you're not particularly worried about speaking in public but you want to know how best to approach it, this page is not really for you. Let me point you towards the other pages in this section, beginning with Public Speaking Skills: Preparation.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you are seriously worried by the prospect of speaking in public, I suggest expanding your comfort zone will help you, and you need to attack on two fronts. One is pushing yourself in other areas, so that public speaking ceases to loom so large in your imagination. The other is to face down public speaking itself.
If public speaking scares you, don't avoid it: confront it and overcome your fear. Do it as often as possible, build your skills and experience and reduce your fears this way. Start small and increase to larger groups. You could give a talk to a church or social group, join a reading group and lead the discussion on your favourite book, be guest lecturer at an adult education class. You are not necessarily looking to be paid for any of these activities; it's about gaining experience and learning to be comfortable speaking in public.
You do need to be in control, however. Allowing yourself to be pushed into giving a talk in inauspicious circumstances (for example, if you don't know enough about the subject, if the audience is likely to be hostile or if the presentation is this afternoon, giving you no time to prepare) can set you back by reinforcing your fears. Give yourself a fair chance. Saying no to something that is beyond your current capabilities - or may even be beyond the capabilities of the most experienced speaker - is quite different from saying no to something you could do but are too scared to try.
If public speaking is your biggest fear, you may want to confront some smaller demons first. Successful people generally live 10-15% of their lives outside their comfort zones. Expand your comfort zone by stretching yourself in other ways and you'll find public speaking shrinking into perspective as your celebrate conquering your other fears.
Of course, I'm not suggesting you take any serious risks, I'm simply saying I believe challenging yourself in other ways can help you to erode your fear of public speaking. Building your confidence in other areas will give you resources you can use when it comes to addressing an audience.
Be kind to yourself
Don't try to push yourself too far too fast or the strategy may backfire;.be aware of any tendency you may have to sabotage your achievements. The aim is a gradual, irreversible rolling back of the frontiers of your comfort zone.
Whenever you're pushing yourself, do so with kindness and encouragement, not spitefulness and sarcasm. The way you talk to yourself is crucial to your self-image and self-esteem. Help yourself to feel safe.
Some suggestions for how to expand your comfort zone
Apart from taking every (productive) opportunity to speak in public, here are some other ways you might find it useful to challenge yourself.
you really stop to look fear in the face.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Go out and about by yourself
If you find it difficult to do things on your own, such as shop for clothes, see a film at the cinema or have a meal in a restaurant, push yourself to achieve at least one of these activities every couple of weeks. Take a book, pretend a friend will be joining you later (they can always cancel by text message - who's going to know?), employ whatever subterfuge it takes to get you out there alone.
If you are comfortable out and about by yourself, you could try going a bit further afield. Travelling alone, particularly abroad, can offer a lot of scope for testing and building your strength in all sorts of areas: making decisions, coping with stress, fending for yourself and getting what you want in unfamiliar situations. If this sounds scary, think how capable you'll feel when you've managed a solo trip (obviously assuming you don't live in any of these places) to London, Dublin, Paris, Mallorca, the Outer Hebrides, Sicily or wherever you chose to go. Even if you didn't do as much as you intended to while you were there, you still got there, had a bit of a look round and got back. Huge achievement! Wouldn't making that little presentation at work or being best man at your friend's wedding seem a much smaller deal after this? If the answer to this question is yes, get packing!
Push yourself physically
Something I find excellent about a physical challenge is the way it eclipses everything else. If I'm hiking up a mountain, or even just running on the treadmill, there is no space in my mind to worry about (for example) speaking at that conference next week. I am totally focused on what I'm doing and, although it's physically tiring, this can be mentally very relaxing. So, if you suffer from stress, I recommend the occasional physical challenge for this reason alone.
Beyond the mental release for the duration of the challenge, if you can achieve something seriously demanding, this should help you to realise you're more capable than you thought, which in turn may suggest to you that public speaking is not actually as difficult for you as you thought.
Again, there is an enormous range of possible activities you could try out, from joining a gym to running a marathon, learning to snowboard to climbing Mount Everest. Please be realistic about your level of fitness and build up slowly to any colossal challenge.
It's quite fashionable these days to seek out the 'adrenalin rush' in one's free time, so there are many challenges out there that are professionally supervised. (Particularly if either you're really scared or you have a tendency to push yourself too hard, there is a great deal to be said for professional supervision.)
One other point that's good to know is that physical exercise produces endorphines, which are cheering to the mind. If you're planning a speech or presentation and it's getting you down, you could try taking half an hour out and going for a brisk walk in the fresh air. This is practically guaranteed to lift your spirits.
Push yourself socially
If you find it difficult to interact with other people, don't hide away but get yourself out into as many social situations as you can. Remember that other people are just other people, with their own issues and insecurities. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and, although X may know much more than you do about computers (say) and Y may be a more tuneful singer (whatever fits for you), nobody, actually, is inherently better than you are.
By all means, remain a bit reserved and don't open yourself up to reactions that may reinforce your worries but, if you have reclusive tendencies, I encourage you to resist them. If you don't engage with the world on a regular basis, it will become more and more difficult for you to feel comfortable in company. Take it slowly, protect yourself as you go, but do push yourself to be seen and heard.
If you're invited to a party, go. If you never get any invitations, it's because few people can be bothered to throw parties these days, so why not give one yourself? Some people won't be able to come, some may not even answer your invitation - people are frequently casual to the point of rudeness - but some people will come and, if you relax and go with the flow, you can have some fun. Even if it's not fun (and why on earth shouldn't it be?), it's still good practice.
If you have a hobby that lends itself, you could join a group or a class of people who share it. You could go to a lecture on a subject that interests you or a book-signing by a writer you like - and you could even ask a question in front of everyone.
If you're waiting at a bus stop or standing in a queue and the people around you seem friendly, try exchanging a few words with them.
Every time you come into social contact with people, it's a chance to strengthen your interpersonal skills and to train yourself to accept the rough and tumble of life without feeling personally attacked or undermined by it.
Useful links
If you're keen to expand your comfort zone, you may find these websites useful for inspiration and/or for making concrete plans to do exciting things. Each link will open in a new window.
Directline Citybreaks - how far will you go?
Discount Theatre (for London) - see a great show while cultivating your independence
PartyBox - let your hair down!
Red Letter Days - all sorts of challenging (and soothing) activities to choose from
Survival School - learn bushcraft and survival skills in various locations around Britain
National Trust Working Holidays - help the National Trust while expanding your comfort zone
Working Holidays Overseas - volunteer your time, energy and skills on a project abroad
Fear of public speaking - practical help in this ebook
If public speaking scares you, you may find my ebook Loving the Limelight helpful. The whole first chapter is devoted to exploring the reasons some people are terrified by the prospect of speaking in front of an audience and to finding solutions that go much deeper than just trying to be positive and forcing yourself to get on with it.
Read more about this public speaking ebook.
Public Speaking Skills:
Expanding Your Comfort Zone